Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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