i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
