my room smells like sperm. sweet.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
