I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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