There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
