if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
