I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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