Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
