What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
