what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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