Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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