He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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