I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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