She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
