Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
