final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
