PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
