I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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