So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
