Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
