I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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