I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
