okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
