Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
