I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
