dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Rumble strips road head = magical
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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