I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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