She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
