oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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