I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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