In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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