So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
