Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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