Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
you traded sex for a burrito?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
