I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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