Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
