You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
