i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
