Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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