I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
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