It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize
