from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Everclear isn't food dammit
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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