Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
