Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
