I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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