I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
