I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
