That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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