I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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