my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
