To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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