Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
