He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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